I just gotta have it...

It's been an interesting day. Lots of emotions, problems, etc.

A co-worker of mine was ashamed to admit today that, after 2 months of being free, had started smoking again. To my shame, I sat for 2 seconds, and then pointed to him and said "WEAK!" What followed, about 30 seconds later, was a realization of what I had said. I apologized to him, saying that if I had divulged an addiction to him, I would want him to be understanding to me about my plight. So much for the Golden Rule...

His situation made me start thinking about the nature of addictions. I think that everyone has at least one, and that it is part of our personal challenge to overcome the world and better ourselves. The other thing I have figured out, is that addictions seem to come in many guises. Pornography and sexual addiction, anger, smoking, drugs, alcohol, apathy...

I find that I have real troubles with getting angry. I used to think that I was pretty mellow, and that I didn't get angry. Now, it seems that I get very upset about things or people that hurt me. I talk angrily, I write angrily, and I'm so sure that I'm right that I defend my position to the utmost. I seem to be forgetting the 100 year rule: In 100 years, is this thing you are angry about, is it going to matter? Usually it isn't important enough to even matter, but still I fall into the trap.

I try to remember that I shouldn't get upset, but I always seem to forget that when my emotions get going. I feel so powerless sometimes, because I always promise that I'll do better, and the next time isn't better. I have a friend who helps me evaluate myself and my emotions/thoughts, and I'd like to thank him for helping me realize that I may think that what I am doing is right, but that long term, it isn't Christ-like or charitable. Thank you, Mr. Raty.

I think that that is enough profundity for a Wednesday. Stay happy...