Monday 26Jan09 – Alma 44 – I don’t have anything penetrating to say about this chapter, except to marvel at how far making a promise has fallen. Even the ‘bad guys’ in this chapter didn’t want to make a promise that they knew that they would break. These days, most promises aren’t even worth the breath that it takes to make them, and thus are easily broken. But a promise/covenant is a promise, and even if we swear unthinkingly or don’t mean it, we are still held responsible for our actions concerning that covenant. And if we lie when we make that promise, the worse off it is for us.

   Mosiah 11.23 – ‘Yea, and it shall come to pass that except this [person] repents and turns unto the Lord God, they shall be brought into bondage; and none shall deliver them, except it be the Lord the Almighty God.’ Straight talk from Abinadi, isn’t it? It’s obvious that the longer someone/I denies the addictions that trouble me/them, the further they enslave themselves to the Devil. A lifetime of habits are not easy to break, nor is it easy to break a method/pattern of thinking. But, perhaps most debilitating and catastrophic, is the lack of self-honesty that is commonly associated with sin. I know that I have, on many occasions, rationalized my behaviors, saying that what I was doing wasn’t ‘so bad’ as other things I could have been doing. Either that and/or just glossing over any weaknesses we may have and saying ‘Nah, that doesn’t apply to me. I don’t have that problem and I won’t ever have it.’ Any sin, whether it is a huge, horrible nightmare, or a small, white omission, keeps a person as far from Heaven as does the other. There are no such things as ‘small’ sins. True, some are easier to repent of, but even the small ones have a way of accumulating, and further fostering a habit of lying. And remember, I’m pretty sure that I am held responsible for the lies I tell myself, since they are still lies.

 

This was too good to pass up...

...here is the link.

 

And here is the image...

 

I find the 2^nd panel to be the best, simply because I would want to say that to someone, if I were mentally quick enough. Most of the time, I’m not that fast, but I do have a large vocabulary to draw from.... Hmmm. Maybe it’s time to start being more subtle about what/how I say things...

Friday 22Jan09 – Alma43 – This is the chapter where the Lamanites and Zerahemna come against the Nephites, and Captain Moroni ends up surrounding them. I find it interesting that Moroni, even though he was a captain of war, was also a man of God; he would grant the Lamanites a chance to surrender, even though the Lamanites, in a similar situation, wouldn’t have hesitated to wipe out the Nephite army if they had had them surrounded.

   ‘Salvation’ means to save or preserve something precious. One of the ways I feel that God and Jesus show me that I am precious is that I have a wife who came in to my life, who chose me, and who accepts the good-yet-quirky parts of me. She takes me as I am, and only asks that I treat her correctly in return. I know that she is not perfect, as none of us are, but she is more sweet than I deserve. I love her dearly. That They would send someone as precious as she to help me is, quite frankly, astounding.

 

Mon 19Jan09 – Josh’s birthday today. I think he’s 29 now, since we are almost 21 months apart in age. I hope his day has been fun.

   Alma 43 -  I can’t imagine hating anyone as much as the Lamanites did. In this chapter the Zoramites turn in to Lamanites and go to war. The Zoramites are made as leaders over the Lamanite warriors so that their hatred will be strengthened towards the Nephites. OK, I dislike some people, and a few of them I would prefer never to see again; but I’m sure I’m safe in saying that I don’t want to enslave or destroy anyone. What causes people to give their souls over to such all-consuming anger and hatred? As I said, I dislike some people, and it takes a lot of energy to dislike them, when I think about them. The Zoramite level of odio (hate) must have taken even more. No thanks, I’ll stick to disliking, which I should stop anyway, as it isn’t Christlike.

   Mosiah4.6 – ‘...if ye have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and His matchless power, and His wisdom, and His patience, and His long-suffering towards [me].’ Before, I thought that God was not very involved in my life. Sure, He’d answered a few prayers, I thought, but never thought of Him as involved. ‘I’m not important enough’ I would say. ‘Real miracles and such are for other, better people than I am.’ Thus, I would rarely seek His help in combating my addiction(s). Then I started to realize that all of those attributes that King Benjamin was talking about apply to Him in my life also. Joseph Smith said that faith can’t come about until we know the attributes of God, and that’s where I was. I thought that I was all by myself, and that I could handle it alone, with occasional Help when I would ask for it. Now, I hope, I know better. Christ has promised that He will help all who come to Him in humility and real intent. And as it says in D&C ‘I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say...’ He wants to help me, just as He wants to help everyone. He is kind, wise, patient and long-suffering. Yes, He justly gets upset with those who break covenants and commandments, but that is why the Atonement exists in the first place- to help those of us who have done things to distance ourselves from Them. And lets be honest, every single person who lived/lives is some distance away from Them. All are in need of help. I know He will not turn away/upbraid those who are honestly trying to do better. I know that I am just as important to Him as someone else who I think is ‘better’ or ‘more worthy of Help’.

 

Sun 18Jan09 – Learned a couple of interesting things at church today. First, that the sealing power that Elijah restored is the most important power that was restored, even more so than the greater Priesthood. Without that power, even with the authority, the ordinances couldn’t be sealed/bound to a person, thus nothing could be done to save the children of God. Second, that a living Christ, who we worship, is more greatly involved in the lives of His Saints than a dead Christ would be. It stands to reason that a living Person is easier to interact/interface with than Someone who is dead, and that He would guide and direct His church. Revelation can only come, I suppose, from a living, current source, and not from any other deceased outlet. This is why we worship a living God, and a living Christ.

   Alma 42.24-25 ‘For behold, justice exerciseth all his demands, and also mercy claimeth all which is her own; and thus, none but the truly penitent are saved. What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God.’ I find it interesting that justice is manly, but mercy is feminine. How seemingly appropriate. Also, only the truly penitent (repentant and humble) are saved by mercy. Only the ones who make use of the proffered Atonement and remain humble and teachable will be saved. All others will be judged according to the justice of the law.  Ultimately, someone has to answer the price of the broken law. If a person doesn’t repent, does so partially, or grudgingly, then they must bear the full weight of the punishment. However, if they will fully repent, then Christ’s sacrifice protects them, since He has suffered for all sin so that we wouldn’t have to.

   2Ne33.6 - Only Christ has the power to deliver us from Hell, either the place or our own personal Hades. I think that this needs no further elaboration from me, as it is perfectly self-evident that my own personal power has proved insufficient to deliver myself at all. I need all the Help I can get.

   Also, even at age 31, I still don’t like it when people don’t like me. Even when the person is 14 years old.

 

Thurs 15Jan09 – Alma 41.3-4 – No one is inherently good or bad, righteous/evil. All are judged according to their works, and deeds. v.10 – Wickedness was never happiness. This is also so true. You can’t be doing wrong things and be happy. Your eternal soul can’t like it. That which is spiritual in us cries for good things, even after a lifetime of sin. I would think that this is why even people who are reprehensible and/or depraved, when they are honest with themselves (if ever), admit to themselves that they are looking for ‘something else, something better’. That desire is their spirit, which remembers the celestial things, calling for healing. 2Ne4.19 – Even Nephi, the stalwart, obedient, humble Nephi is plagued by sin, beset by his iniquities. I’m pretty sure that the Lord told him, or he was humble enough, to record this because it shows that anyone, even the Lord’s prophet, can be attacked by temptation, gnawed at by his weaknesses, and troubled because of his humanity. This gives me hope: I don’t have to be perfect. I’m not even a prophet, and I can still receive as much aid and comfort as Nephi did, just by asking for it. But I have to trust God first, and then ask. If I ask without faith, I get nothing.

 

Tues 13Jan09 – Helaman 3.27 – ‘And thus we see that the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon His holy name.’ I realize, even now, that my prayers are all too often not filled with the sincerity that God wants them to be. I tend to be too hurried/tired/want to go to sleep/forgetful/impatient/etc. to say my prayers as though I were always desperate for His help. Oh sure, when the fecal material hits the oscillating air-blower I’m ready to pray, ready to do anything in order to make it better. But then, after things die down and stabilize, I tend to go back to my own ways. It seems as though the only way I remember to pray is if the Holy Spirit reminds me to do so. I’ve gotten in to the habit of reading scriptures here at work, and working in the workbook, but prayer seems to be the thing I have the most trouble doing. Ironically, it should be the easiest, because it is the most necessary. If I could remember to pray, and then do so with the consistent, fervent zeal and sincerity of a drowning man who is tossed a life-ring, then I would be getting somewhere. Right now, I think the most I can do is to remember to pray, and try to make it a whole-hearted and –minded thing, rather than something that is rushed.

 

 

Mon 12Jan09 – Alma 38.5 ‘And now my son, I would that ye should remember that as much as you shall put trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day.’ I know that this is a true scripture; every time I have prayed for help in pushing temptations out of my mind, they go away. Every time. ‘verse 14 – Do not say: O God, I thank Thee that I am better than my bretheren; but rather say : O Lord, forgive my unworthiness, and remember my bretheren in mercy- yea acknowledge your unworthiness before God at all times.’ Another true scripture. Are we not all dependent upon the Lord for all that we are and have? Am I any better, any less of a sinner, than someone else I may know? Don’t my sins keep me as far from the Heavenly Presence as theirs do? And while I know God loves all of His children, He is definitely pleased with the behavior of some more than others’. I don’t have to wallow in my unworthiness, nor be saddened by it. However, I must always be aware that I need to choose correct things, always seeking for Christ’s will, and that I will always be, as long as I am mortal (and probably a long time after that!), imperfect, and a sinner. Realizing that, I further realize my dependence upon His Atonement, His forgiveness and His mercy. Those 3 things are the only way I’m going to be able to become who He wants me to be.

 

Sun 11Jan09 – I taught 2 lessons today, 1 for Sunday school, and in Priesthood. Class participation certainly makes it easier to teach, but 14 yr. olds don’t seem to participate much. Thinking back 17 years, I thought I participated more than others, but I certainly wasn’t very confident about it. I remember when I came home from Argentina, Josh and Ryan Charles called me ‘the Human Answer’, because I would answer so much in church classes. I wonder if Josh answers more now that he is on his own and an RM... Alma 37.46 ‘O my son, let us not be slothful because of the easiness of the way; for so it was for our fathers; for so it was prepared for them, that if they would look they might live; even so it is with us. The way is prepared, and if we will look we may live forever.’ The way is easy for me, at least in theory. I have only to choose to do correct things, to give my will to the Father. Simple, but really, really hard in application. The other part that is easy is that I have had the gospel with me all the time. I can’t remember a time when I haven’t had true knowledge about spiritual things. As such, I tend to become complacent/slothful, because of the easiness of the way.

   ‘Avoidance is not deliverance.’ (workbook, p26)  It is not a permanent end to a conflict. It is not a resolution to a problem. It only means that we go out of our way to get past a problem temporarily. To be delivered from our problems/addictions/complaints is something that no mortal person had the capability of. I know that it’s useless for me to try and deliver myself. It hasn’t worked before, and it definitely won’t work in the future. I can’t rely on myself to get better.

 

Thurs 8Jan09 – Alma 37.34 ‘Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly of heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.’ I notice that it doesn’t say that we won’t be weary, but that our souls will rest, eventually. Serving others is, I think (even though I’m not too good at it), the quickest way to becoming Christ-like that one can find. If a person can cultivate a delight in helping and prospering others, then life becomes so much easier, I would think. And I’m pretty sure that that delight doesn’t fully grow until it is asked/prayed for.

   Ether 12.27 ‘And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness... For if they will humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.’ It’s seems a bit difficult to realize that the Lord won’t make fun of me if I come to Him and bring all of my weaknesses, trials, complaints and addictions with me. Lesser people might, but since He is the righteous Judge, He knows how to help me. As a matter of fact, He wants everyone to humble themselves, and come in frequent, prayerful supplication to Him in order to find out how He can best help us. I think that oftentimes I pay lip service to the Lord, deluding myself into thinking that since I know what my weaknesses are (and who of us doesn’t?), He must already be aware of them. And since He is aware of them, why doesn’t He help me with them? C’mon, Lord! Help-me-out-with-these-things-that-I-know-I-need-to-fix, but-haven’t- humbled-myself-enough-to-prayerfullyand-sincerely-ask-for-help-with. Remember, Divine help only comes to those who truly humble themselves, and the Lord knows if I am humble when I ask. Also, I can’t fix those addictions/complaints/trials/weaknesses myself. Only He can.

 

Time for something different...

I thought that I would try and post from my journal entries, editing out anything I deem too personal to be seen by the masses (all 4 of you  :D) I do this so I can share about how I am doing, some insights I have had, and because I seem to be unable to post about anything mundane anymore. Let me know if you have any insights to share, if you would please, because I need all of the help I can get. Any references to a Workbook are from Colleen Harrison’s inestimable book He Did Deliver Me From Bondage. I’m pretty sure it’s available @ Deseret Book, and definitely from LDS Addiction Recovery Services. Here goes...

   Wed 7Jan09 – Alma 36.3 ‘...for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.’ I know that this is true. I think I have always known it is true. Why haven’t I followed it, then? I think I have gotten tired of fighting against my temptations/addictions. When I am the only one fighting, being only mortal, I get tired real quick. However, if I will exercise my faith to call upon the Father to help me, He doesn’t get tired. I only have to exercise my agency to call upon Him, and He will help me. He won’t not help, because He has said He will help all those who call upon Him.  

   Why do bad things happen to good people/Why did God let this happen? This question frustrates me because it paints God as some sort of mean person who sends down calamities upon His children just for fun. That, or God is somehow supposed to shield us from anything bad ever happening to us. Perhaps the error stems from having an incorrect perception of the purpose of life. The purpose is to gain experiences so we can become both more Christ-like, and become more like the Father. There is no other way. And while I feel frustrated that people ask such an ignorant question, I also feel pity for them because they obviously don’t understand why bad things have to happen to everyone. The other thing, in conjunction with this, is the question ‘What do I need to learn/know from this experience?’

   Mosiah 2.21 ‘...I say that if ye should serve Him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.’ “The truth- that we can’t work our way to worthiness...” (Workbook,  22) I can’t perfect my self to Heaven. Even if could come close, which is obviously impossible (for me), Christ’s grace and mercy are still necessary to celestialize me. There is no other way. That doesn’t mean that I should stop doing good things, but I have to realize that the only thing I can do is seek after Their will. They want me to help and serve others, and to perfect myself, but first realizing that my power to do so is contingent upon my asking for Their help. The only thing They ask is that I give my agency to them, which is the only thing I have to give.