...than yesterday. I think my problem is that I put too much stock in my personal relationships, and am too sensitive.
I worry what others think of me, if they are upset with me or not, whether what I do or don't pleases them, etc. This is with ALL of my relationships. And when someone doesn't respond to me as quickly as I would like, I assume (bad, Jordan, bad!) that they ARE mad at me, and the whole thing goes down the toilet from there. But, the key to all of this is that I still choose how I feel, and can therefore choose my way out of my funk. It's really difficult, though.
I just need to not worry so much, and trust that those who care about me will tell me if I have done something stupid, or have hurt them in some way.
Friday, December 01, 2006
A better day, I hope...
Posted by Daishi at 10:40 AM
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3 comments:
Leah said: I'm the same way, Jord. I'd like to tell you something that helps me a lot. I worry about what others think too(especially family). At the same time, I've grown very weary over the fact that MY life hasn't turned out how OTHER People wanted. This is the conclusion I've come to in my excessively messed up journey...if it's something I could have done differently(keep my mouth shut, be nicer, more patient) then I find I dwell on it and try to learn how to do better in the future. If it's something that is out of my control, no matter how passionate I'm feeling about it, I have to force myself to just let it go. People are going to make their own choices, regardless. I'm constantly having to remind myself that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, whether I agree with them or not, no matter how out of whack I think they are. Because I want to be able to state my opinions too, no matter how out of whack they are to someone else. I'm sure I'm telling you things that you're fully aware of. I guess I just want you to know that you are not the only one close to you who struggles with this. You know I was on anti-anxiety meds in High School and my biggest issue was worrying myself sick over things that were out of my control. Not everybody is going to like me or agree with me, and they may be very mean about it. That's on them. It's taken me years (and I'm still not there), but I'm getting better, and it makes my life a lot less stressful and I stopped taking those meds before school was over. Relationships are not easy, and sometimes I think that GOOD relationships shouldn't be such a struggle. But, relationships take work and I'm constantly reminded of that quote about Jesus where it says"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it" or something along those lines. Nothing in this life ever seems easy(pessimist?), but something tells me it IS worth it. I Love you Jordan, and miss you very much. Hang in there little fella <3
Relationships aren't supposed to be easy, as they are our ticket to eternal life(wife/husband), and thus requires work and effort. The things that are worth the most require the most effort.
The thing that sucks, for me, is that a lot of the time I get miffed because I think that someone is upset with me, or is acting differently, and thus get 'pouty'. Then I ask myself "What did I do to make them upset with me?" If I can't come up with an answer, then I get upset back.
Ah, what a lovely cycle.
Not!
As long as you don't discourage people from being honest with you, you can reasonably expect them to communicate openly with you. That's not to say they will, but the onus is on them.
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