On dying relatively well...

Wednesday 22Apr09 – Yesterday Val and I had someone from a mortuary come over so we could take time to plan ahead and plan out what caskets we wanted for when we die, what sorts of flowers, the program itself, etc. It was really educational, in many ways. For instance, dying with any sort of dignity is expensive: my choices totaled ~$11k, which is a lot for being dead.

   We looked over casket options, vault options (which are the concrete boxes they put the casket in in the ground), flower choices, favorite songs/hymns, living wills, last wills and testaments, cremation options- you name it, we probably looked at it.

   The great part about this is that we decided on our options, and started putting money towards these inevitable expenses. An insurance company gets the money and saves it for us. When we have paid off our term, our funeral expenses are paid for, and the financial and emotional burden won’t have to fall to a shell-shocked, grieving person who may not have the moolah to pay for all of the services necessary. Even better, the $ will gain interest, and will stay ahead of inflation, so even the flowers will be able to be paid for when the time comes.

   I think the best part is that we were able to make these choices objectively now, instead of leaving it to someone later to have to deal with. This, in my opinion, is the worst thing, besides repentance, to leave until it is too late- I mean, can you imagine the crushing weight of +$11k of services being dropped on your family, who probably can’t pay it anyway? Better to face my own mortality, make the choices now, make the payments, and then be done with it.

   So, it was extremely educational, and helped immensely with our peace of mind. I highly recommend that every person who reads this call up their local mortuary and plan for their future. Those people you leave behind, which there inevitably are, will thank you.

‘Don’t be afraid, but face your fears, that you may become stronger...’

When is love not enough?

Sunday 12Mar09 – At what point is love not enough? Say I decide to start doing things that are either morally wrong, are a bad example, or are not living according to the covenants I have made? Assuming that my spouse, or a concerned party, is trying to live the way they should, is it enough to only say to the person ’I love you’, and then not remind them of the bad things that they are willfully doing, and that you don’t like or approve of it? That seems, to me, to be the weak way out, as you are not really loving them/helping them to do better, but you are only enabling the bad behavior on their part by not reminding them of the things they have promised to do.

   ‘But Jordan’ you’ll surely say, ‘it’s not my place to nag the other person. Everyone knows what they should be doing; I shouldn’t tell someone else what to do. Besides, it’s not my place to remind them of what they should do, as I am imperfect and probably am not doing so hot myself.’ Well, dear friend, you are wrong. Every person, as a child of God, and especially baptized members of the Church, has a made a covenant to do what the Lord would do, if He were here, to help others make correct choices and to help them along the path. This help is to be given with patience, long-suffering and with kindness, but we are not told to let people do what they want, regardless of the consequences. This further assumes that the giver of the aid is willing to accept help in their own sphere. If I feel like I should tell someone I know that I don’t approve of their actions, then I have to be willing to take correction from someone else for myself. Furthermore, men who have been ordained to any office higher than a deacon have the solemn responsibility to watch out for the whole Church, to be Church police-officers of a sort. Pres. Eyring’s talk during the Apr 2009 Priesthood session spelled that out quite clearly. So does the Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood. All 3 are excellent reading, and I recommend that you read them-sections 20 & 84.

   The people who say ‘It’s not your place to tell me what to do’ also say that ‘It should be enough for you to say that you love me’ and leave unsaid the ‘Don’t you tell me what to do!’ part. They don’t want to called to repentance, and they assume that those whose calling is to watch out for them, when they sound a warning voice, that those voices do not love them because they try to help them find the correct path.

   Eventually, a person grows beyond the reach-of-influence of their parents, and then is basically on their own. But, are they not to be held responsible ever again? If their path starts to, or has already deviated, from where it is supposed to be (and we all know where we could be), then is no one allowed to tell that person what they think? What if the person has children who are influenced by the behaviors of the parent?

   When is love not enough? Where is the line between letting a person make their own choices, and telling them how you feel about the choices that they are making, and the possible consequences of those actions?

   Saying nothing feels like I don’t really love the person, just that I am afraid of offending them, or that it is not my place to say anything to them (which amounts to the same thing). All of us have the calling to watch out for each other, and to warn, when it is necessary. To be too timid to tell someone of the concern we feel for the direction they are taking does a dis-service.

   Referencing Pres. Eyring’s talk, it is not the bishop’s sole responsibility to warn, but to be a judge. Ours is the calling to watch out for each other, and to help them along. Voicing our concern is not a judgment, but an act of compassion, even if the person we are worried about doesn’t see it that way. If we stand by and watch someone spiral towards destruction and only stand by, wringing our hands with dismay and concern but saying nothing, we will ultimately be held responsible by Jesus, and, most likely, by the one we watched annihilate themselves.

   ‘...persuasion, long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge...reproving betimes with sharpness when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love towards him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be thy enemy; that he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.’ D&C 121.41-44

 

I gave 2 lessons today: 1 in Sunday School about the ‘Gathering of Israel’, and in Priesthood about being ’Valiant in the Cause of Christ’. I thought the lessons were good because of the amount of participation I got. That always seems to help things move along, and I hope people learn more. The best part was that I didn’t feel nervous about either of my lessons.

   3Ne17 – How great would it be to hear Jesus, in person, praying for me, personally? I’m sure that He does so now, but my faith is insufficient to feel the full impact of that prayer.

 

Wednesday 8 Apr09 – I still have too much pride in me: I read scriptures that talk about the pride, lying, deceit, mischief, hypocrisy, murders, priestcrafts, whoredoms and/or secret combinations in the last days- and I am grateful that I don’t do those things, and that I am better, nominally, than they are. But in reality, I’m not. I have lied, frequently. I have deceived others. Thus I am a hypocrite. I know I have committed whoredoms in my mind. Not physically, but mentally.

   It’s hard for me to shake the feelings of superiority, because even though I know I’m doing OK right now, I have it better than a lot of other people in the world do. But, this is no cause for a feeling of smug superiority. On the contrary, I have to realize that my past and present sins make me just as unworthy and as in need of Help as the people who commit those heinous sins are.

 

Looking at the surface

Thursday 19Mar09 – Montel Williams, a talk-show host, was on Oprah while Val was watching the other day. He has multiple sclerosis, and it hurts him a lot. A comment that Oprah made was to the effect that ‘you don’t seem to be in pain or suffering too much, so you must be OK.’ He then said that he wasn’t OK, and that he had attempted suicide once by throwing himself in front of a car, and had at one time 5 guns sitting in front of him while he tried to decide which of them would make the smallest hole.

   I went to take a shower, and the hymn ‘Savior, May I Learn to Love Thee’ came to my mind: specifically the verse ‘Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly? In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can’t see...’ That is so true that often we don’t know what other people are going through: we see the exterior and judge accordingly, forgetting that the superficial is only a small percentage of what is really happening.

   3Ne6 – The people of Lehi basically fall away from the truth again, and Satan inspires them to start up the secret combinations so that they may subvert the laws and justice of the land. It seems that this rebellion comes about due to the amount of learning that a person had, how much $ they had, and what their status/standing was in the community.

   Is education that conducive to pride: I get some knowledge and therefore think I no longer need the Lord? Obviously yes, since I have leaned and depended so much on my own strength in the past. But these knowledgeable, prideful people persecuted the more humble part of the believers because they were seen as inferior...I suppose I see some other people as inferior to myself, which is a bad thing. All are equal in the sight of God. There is no Animal Farm complex here- none are more equal than others. Winos, homeless people, even the proud are no better or worse than I am. They are just in a different situation than the one I am in.

 

I told you so!

Tuesday 10Mar09 – 3Ne1 – Why is it that wicked people, or even those who don’t believe, rejoice and are happy when they try to destroy the faith of believers? The Nephites were almost gleeful, prancing about those who were looking forward to the sign of Christ’s birth, because they thought the time had passed and nothing had happened. I can see it in my mind: ‘<Nelson>HA,Ha!</Nelson>You were wro-ong! What you believed in didn’t happen! You’re so stu-pid! We’re going to kill you!’ The obvious answer to the question ‘Does pride make this desire to prove others wrong happen?’ is yes. Why do they enjoy it so much? Does it give so much satisfaction to say ‘I told you so’ to someone?

   ‘Even with the great ability that he had, Jesus did nothing of himself. His whole effort was to do the Father’s will. All that he did, all that he spoke was given of the Father. If Jesus found it necessary to draw his course of action from God, how much more so do we have a need to be dependent upon the Father to determine the course of our lives in every detail! Those who would follow Christ cannot subscribe to the slogan “I did it my way.”’ (E. Richard Packham, Born of the Spirit, p.37) I hadn’t realized that the complete surrender of self comes because of an exercise of faith, and is a gift from the Father. I must desire the gift and exercise my agency in order to ask for it and act in accordance to get it, but it must come from God first.

 

On trust and faith...

Wednesday 4Mar09 – Helaman12.6 – ‘Behold, they do not desire that  the Lord their God, who hath created them, should rule and reign over them; notwithstanding his great goodness and mercy towards them, they do set at naught his counsels, and they will not that he should be their guide.’ OK, I am just as guilty of this as anyone else, but this has to be the definition of either insanity or stupidity, or both. A fundamental desire of humanity is to know what is to come, even if it is 2 minutes into the future. Another fundamental drive is knowledge. If anyone is capable of knowing what is to come, or has knowledge to impart, it is God the Father and His Son. Why would a person not trust the Lord to guide them? Sure, maybe doing the right thing isn’t always the easiest thing to do, and trusting can sometimes be difficult, but if I can have trust in any person, wouldn’t trusting the Lord be the best person? He can’t fail! He always does what He says He will do. He always cares for His children, and wants to guide and help them. All we/I have to do is trust Him, and do what He asks. Under the circumstances, why would I rely upon my own strength when I can’t even know if I’m going to make it home from work OK? I have no prescience, no foreknowledge, and I am constantly learning that I have an abysmal lack of knowledge that my humility compels me to admit to.

 

On generosity...

Tuesday 3Mar09 – An epiphany from last week: In Mosiah 4 (16-25) it talks about how we are supposed to give of our means if we have it. If we don’t, are our hearts willing to do so if we had the means? v.16 talks about the beggar putting up his petition in vain, that he perishes. Notice that the scripture doesn’t say anything about approving of what the $ is going to, but that we are to give, regardless of the circumstance. People may ask me for $. If I have it to give, I will give it. The requirement is more for the giver than the receiver: I become holier as I divest myself of selfishness and judging of others. OK, so he’s going to buy liquor with it. He will make his choice, and I will make mine. She’ll put the $ I give her to poor use because she can’t manage it. That’s fine also. It is better for me to give what I can than it is for them to receive it. I am only asked to give up part of what isn’t really mine anyway: the means that God has blessed me with. Isn’t it all His anyway? Besides, how can God be merciful with me if I put pre-conditions on how, what and why I will give, and still be merciless?

   Helaman 10-11 – Men are so quick to do evil, and extremely fast to return to their old, sinful habits. How long does the nuke-of-destruction have to hover over me before I wise up and repent? How long will God be merciful with me and give me time to shape up?

 

On the quickness of change...

Monday 2Mar09 – Reading Helaman 8-9 with Val today, I commented on how short of a time it took the previously righteous Nephites to allow themselves to be seduced by the Gadiantons: I think it was 3 or 4 years. Val brought up a good point: 1 year is 365 days, which is a lot. Lots of things can happen in a day, let alone 1095 or 1461 days (3-4 years). I realized that righteousness depends on deciding every day, both mentally and by the things I do, whom I will serve and follow. Some days I do better than others, and some days I don’t do well at all. Repentance can help me on the days that I stray to put me back on the path. Repentance isn’t something to be avoided, but the bad decisions I make, thus necessitating the repentance, are. Self-honesty and self-introspection are eternally necessary principles in order to not stray.

   The questions ‘Why do I make the decisions I do?’ and ‘What motivates me?’ are probably the most important questions I can ever ask myself. If I go through life never, or even rarely, evaluating my actions, I will inevitably fail to gain the celestial reward. As Pres. Uchtdorf has taught, we have to be on the right course, and corrections are always necessary. If I ever come to the point that I say I don’t need to change myself anymore, that I am just fine how I am now, then pride has taken over me and I am perilously close to failure. Humility allows one to inspect one’s self honestly and frequently, and to decide what to do next in order to progress. Humility also allows one to realize that a correction is always necessary, and to ask for Help in effecting that change.

 

Thursday 19Feb09 – Alma60 – Man, that chapter seems to go on forever: Moroni chastising Pahoran endlessly. A huge rant, all of it heart-felt and deserved. Fotunately for Pahoran, he was still a good guy and Moroni came and helped him.

   I told Dad tonight that I was grateful for his self-control in not killing his children when he was mad with us. I am grateful for his patience because it could have been so easy for him. It’s scary to realize that I have the ability to seriously injure or kill someone I love because I get out of control.

   Trust, faith and total humility are synonymous....I hadn’t thought of them that way, but it’s true. Trust -assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Faith -belief and trust in and loyalty to God. Humility -not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive. Reliance is based on faith and humility, because how can I trust someone I don’t have faith in? And if I am not humble, I ‘don’t think I need anyone at all’. ßPink Floyd reference. I suppose my problem is that I don’t keep a remembrance of the ability of God to deliver me. Or better said, I remember when I am in trouble. I’d be better served in always remembering His desire to help me, rather than only relying on Him when I need help. It’s one thing to be in constant contact and communion with Him, and another only to call out in my extremity. I’d rather try and do the fist one, that way I increase my protection/faith.

  

 

Alma52 – I think that if I had had possession of a Nephite city or 6, I wouldn’t have chased after Teancum’s decoy army. No, I think I’d’ve stayed there and waited for reinforcements.

   Mosiah 3.19 – ‘For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child: submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord sees fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.’ How old does this ‘child’ need to be? Anyone over 2 isn’t likely to ‘yield’ very well, or submit. Man, that seems really hard- dropping back to a point that I can’t even remember. Not able to take care of myself, total trust because I haven’t learned not to. Spiritually, I am finally realizing that I am unable to take care of myself, and to keep myself out of temptation’s path. But to reach this point of 100% reliance upon God and His Christ...my spirit almost seems to quail from the thought and effort it will take. On the other hand, how nice it would be to know that whatever happened, the Lord would be on my side, and I would trust, whole-heartedly, that whatever happened would be the best for me. I wouldn’t have to be perfect, but I would have to try, every day, to put off the ‘natural man’, the self-sufficient, reliable man.

   And that list! I’m not even close to it. I try to be humble, and not think that I am any better than anyone else, and that I don’t need Help to get through anything. Meekness (enduring injury with patience and without resentment) I have problems with. I am sensitive, and thus easily offended. Boo to me. I’m not too patient. I suppose I am not spoiled and demand instant gratification, but I’m not real patient yet. Full of love, to me, also means charity. I don’t think I’m too charitable either. Submissive/willing to submit – nope, not that either. I’m getting better about seeking spiritual strength and Help, but I don’t submit well.

   Once again, I am a good person, with weaknesses to work on.

   Good thing about me for the day: Culinarily speaking, I am not afraid to try new things.

 

Post #2

Tuesday 10Feb09 – Listening to E’ Bednar’s last conference talk, I realize that prayer has dual obligations: ask, and then do. Joseph Smith didn’t ask which church was true, but rather which church should he join. If I am not willing to do after I ask, I am lost. If I ask for strength to resist temptation, but am not willing to resist it, to exercise my agency by pleading for Help in order to resist or to do those things that will help lead my mind in the proper direction or fill it with righteous principles, what is the point in asking? By not doing, I bring trouble upon myself.

   Pres. Kimball ‘(paraphrase) Spiritual knowledge doesn’t come about merely by prayer. It requires persistence and patience.

   E’ Neuenschwander talked about crowds, and how the woman touched Jesus’ clothes in order to be healed. This brings to mind that there certainly are crowds of people, member and non-member alike, there to be with Jesus: to look at, possibly to mock or to entrap, to be with, but a few are there in order to be healed. They are the ones with the faith and the humility, that take full advantage of what the Lord offers: healing. Am I one of the ones of the ‘crowd’ searching for healing, but not looking with all the power I can?

   This life is short, deceptively so. I tend to think that my tomorrow will be much like my today is and has been. I like to put off what I can until tomorrow, because I am of a lazy bent. But, repentance isn’t one of the things that can or should be put off. Life is too short to put that off, or in putting off forgiving someone else. Indeed, repentance and forgiving others are pretty much the only requirements that we have in this life.

   Alma 51 – Amalickiah takes over many Nephite cities because of the dissensions of the king-men inside the Nephite nation. – Stupid dissenters. Why they gotta be that way? Supposedly they thought that they should get to be kings because of their ‘high’ and ‘noble’ birth. This shows to me what happens when people forget that it doesn’t matter who my forebears were, either kings or pioneers in the Church, it matters more what sort of a person I am now, and whether I am keeping the commandments, forgiving others and repenting.

   Jacob4.10 – ‘Wherefore, bretheren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from His hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that He counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all His works.’ The workbook says to write, in the form of a question, something that has been bothering me, and to put it to the Lord, and to write down my answer/His counsel. Here is my question: why am I so quick to forget the good things You have done for me, and why do I so easily give in to temptations and my appetites? The only answer I can feel is that I am not good at praying, and so I easily forget the Lord. By not praying, I am not reminded of the things He has done for me. I pray, but usually only in my times of need. Therefore, I am not consistent in my prayer. So, how can He therefore help keep me in remembrance of His goodness?

   Helpful/good thing – Thanks to the talent that God has given me, I can sing well. Not perfectly, but I can harmonize and sing parts.

 

I miss the 'Muppet Show'...

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/02/10/mf.muppet.favorites.stories/index.html

  

Really, I do. I think I’m going to have to find the whole show on DVD, even before I get Deep Space 9 or any other DVDs. Favorite episodes I remember are when John Denver was on, and ‘the Jabberwocky’. Those were fun.

An interesting article...

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/02/09/muslims.america/index.html

 

   Basically, the article talks about a university group that goes along through the US, checking out the reactions of people to Muslims. Mostly, the reactions of people seemed to be positive, not full of bigotry and animosity, like I thought it would be.

   I think this is a very good idea, yet I am still saddened that there is still so much hatred-most of it blind. The question they said they were asked ‘Do Muslims love their children’ just makes me shake my head in despair. Of course they love their children. Do you really even need to ask that question?

   The problem with Islam is that the scriptures have been wrested/twisted from their true meaning, allowing fanatics and extremists to do terrible things in the name of their faith. Those few do not represent the overwhelming majority of the faith’s adherents, but most people forget that. Possibly the other problem that Islam has (and I am not an expert on the religion, this is only my speculation) is that it isn’t a centralized religion: there is no one ‘leader’ to receive current instruction to then pass on to the faithful, or to discipline members. It seems to be very decentralized. Mecca is the spiritual center, but no one can receive revelation in order to counter incorrect doctrine.

  This made me realize just how blessed I am to know that God speaks to me today, through His chosen prophet. There is no ambiguity in the scriptures, and questions can get real, current answers. I am not bound to the past, but can live in the present secure in the knowledge that God directs His servants.

 

   The reason I thought that this was a good article is because it seemed to show that the level of intolerance towards Muslims has dropped, and that people are more accepting of others. This is a good thing. I think it is so easy for people, myself included, to harshly judge others, and be uncharitable, because others of the same faith do horrible things.

   Judging, I think, is an almost universal sin. We get caught up in our differences, and start to justify our own shortcomings: ‘Well, I may have problems/sins/hang-ups/whatever-it-is, but I’m not as bad as that person over there.’ What I forget is that the sins/problems/hang-ups/whatever-it-is I have, keep me just as in need of the Atonement as their problems do. I am not better off than they are. I am just as far from God as they are, just as fallen, just as in need of Help and Guidance as they are. In a lot of ways, we/I may be worse off because we have the true Gospel, and fail to live valiantly, are lazy, shirk our duties, and/or fail to fully repent. I have no room to judge, because we are all, as God’s children here on Earth, equal.

Monday 26Jan09 – Alma 44 – I don’t have anything penetrating to say about this chapter, except to marvel at how far making a promise has fallen. Even the ‘bad guys’ in this chapter didn’t want to make a promise that they knew that they would break. These days, most promises aren’t even worth the breath that it takes to make them, and thus are easily broken. But a promise/covenant is a promise, and even if we swear unthinkingly or don’t mean it, we are still held responsible for our actions concerning that covenant. And if we lie when we make that promise, the worse off it is for us.

   Mosiah 11.23 – ‘Yea, and it shall come to pass that except this [person] repents and turns unto the Lord God, they shall be brought into bondage; and none shall deliver them, except it be the Lord the Almighty God.’ Straight talk from Abinadi, isn’t it? It’s obvious that the longer someone/I denies the addictions that trouble me/them, the further they enslave themselves to the Devil. A lifetime of habits are not easy to break, nor is it easy to break a method/pattern of thinking. But, perhaps most debilitating and catastrophic, is the lack of self-honesty that is commonly associated with sin. I know that I have, on many occasions, rationalized my behaviors, saying that what I was doing wasn’t ‘so bad’ as other things I could have been doing. Either that and/or just glossing over any weaknesses we may have and saying ‘Nah, that doesn’t apply to me. I don’t have that problem and I won’t ever have it.’ Any sin, whether it is a huge, horrible nightmare, or a small, white omission, keeps a person as far from Heaven as does the other. There are no such things as ‘small’ sins. True, some are easier to repent of, but even the small ones have a way of accumulating, and further fostering a habit of lying. And remember, I’m pretty sure that I am held responsible for the lies I tell myself, since they are still lies.

 

This was too good to pass up...

...here is the link.

 

And here is the image...

 

I find the 2^nd panel to be the best, simply because I would want to say that to someone, if I were mentally quick enough. Most of the time, I’m not that fast, but I do have a large vocabulary to draw from.... Hmmm. Maybe it’s time to start being more subtle about what/how I say things...

Friday 22Jan09 – Alma43 – This is the chapter where the Lamanites and Zerahemna come against the Nephites, and Captain Moroni ends up surrounding them. I find it interesting that Moroni, even though he was a captain of war, was also a man of God; he would grant the Lamanites a chance to surrender, even though the Lamanites, in a similar situation, wouldn’t have hesitated to wipe out the Nephite army if they had had them surrounded.

   ‘Salvation’ means to save or preserve something precious. One of the ways I feel that God and Jesus show me that I am precious is that I have a wife who came in to my life, who chose me, and who accepts the good-yet-quirky parts of me. She takes me as I am, and only asks that I treat her correctly in return. I know that she is not perfect, as none of us are, but she is more sweet than I deserve. I love her dearly. That They would send someone as precious as she to help me is, quite frankly, astounding.

 

Mon 19Jan09 – Josh’s birthday today. I think he’s 29 now, since we are almost 21 months apart in age. I hope his day has been fun.

   Alma 43 -  I can’t imagine hating anyone as much as the Lamanites did. In this chapter the Zoramites turn in to Lamanites and go to war. The Zoramites are made as leaders over the Lamanite warriors so that their hatred will be strengthened towards the Nephites. OK, I dislike some people, and a few of them I would prefer never to see again; but I’m sure I’m safe in saying that I don’t want to enslave or destroy anyone. What causes people to give their souls over to such all-consuming anger and hatred? As I said, I dislike some people, and it takes a lot of energy to dislike them, when I think about them. The Zoramite level of odio (hate) must have taken even more. No thanks, I’ll stick to disliking, which I should stop anyway, as it isn’t Christlike.

   Mosiah4.6 – ‘...if ye have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and His matchless power, and His wisdom, and His patience, and His long-suffering towards [me].’ Before, I thought that God was not very involved in my life. Sure, He’d answered a few prayers, I thought, but never thought of Him as involved. ‘I’m not important enough’ I would say. ‘Real miracles and such are for other, better people than I am.’ Thus, I would rarely seek His help in combating my addiction(s). Then I started to realize that all of those attributes that King Benjamin was talking about apply to Him in my life also. Joseph Smith said that faith can’t come about until we know the attributes of God, and that’s where I was. I thought that I was all by myself, and that I could handle it alone, with occasional Help when I would ask for it. Now, I hope, I know better. Christ has promised that He will help all who come to Him in humility and real intent. And as it says in D&C ‘I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say...’ He wants to help me, just as He wants to help everyone. He is kind, wise, patient and long-suffering. Yes, He justly gets upset with those who break covenants and commandments, but that is why the Atonement exists in the first place- to help those of us who have done things to distance ourselves from Them. And lets be honest, every single person who lived/lives is some distance away from Them. All are in need of help. I know He will not turn away/upbraid those who are honestly trying to do better. I know that I am just as important to Him as someone else who I think is ‘better’ or ‘more worthy of Help’.

 

Sun 18Jan09 – Learned a couple of interesting things at church today. First, that the sealing power that Elijah restored is the most important power that was restored, even more so than the greater Priesthood. Without that power, even with the authority, the ordinances couldn’t be sealed/bound to a person, thus nothing could be done to save the children of God. Second, that a living Christ, who we worship, is more greatly involved in the lives of His Saints than a dead Christ would be. It stands to reason that a living Person is easier to interact/interface with than Someone who is dead, and that He would guide and direct His church. Revelation can only come, I suppose, from a living, current source, and not from any other deceased outlet. This is why we worship a living God, and a living Christ.

   Alma 42.24-25 ‘For behold, justice exerciseth all his demands, and also mercy claimeth all which is her own; and thus, none but the truly penitent are saved. What, do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God.’ I find it interesting that justice is manly, but mercy is feminine. How seemingly appropriate. Also, only the truly penitent (repentant and humble) are saved by mercy. Only the ones who make use of the proffered Atonement and remain humble and teachable will be saved. All others will be judged according to the justice of the law.  Ultimately, someone has to answer the price of the broken law. If a person doesn’t repent, does so partially, or grudgingly, then they must bear the full weight of the punishment. However, if they will fully repent, then Christ’s sacrifice protects them, since He has suffered for all sin so that we wouldn’t have to.

   2Ne33.6 - Only Christ has the power to deliver us from Hell, either the place or our own personal Hades. I think that this needs no further elaboration from me, as it is perfectly self-evident that my own personal power has proved insufficient to deliver myself at all. I need all the Help I can get.

   Also, even at age 31, I still don’t like it when people don’t like me. Even when the person is 14 years old.

 

Thurs 15Jan09 – Alma 41.3-4 – No one is inherently good or bad, righteous/evil. All are judged according to their works, and deeds. v.10 – Wickedness was never happiness. This is also so true. You can’t be doing wrong things and be happy. Your eternal soul can’t like it. That which is spiritual in us cries for good things, even after a lifetime of sin. I would think that this is why even people who are reprehensible and/or depraved, when they are honest with themselves (if ever), admit to themselves that they are looking for ‘something else, something better’. That desire is their spirit, which remembers the celestial things, calling for healing. 2Ne4.19 – Even Nephi, the stalwart, obedient, humble Nephi is plagued by sin, beset by his iniquities. I’m pretty sure that the Lord told him, or he was humble enough, to record this because it shows that anyone, even the Lord’s prophet, can be attacked by temptation, gnawed at by his weaknesses, and troubled because of his humanity. This gives me hope: I don’t have to be perfect. I’m not even a prophet, and I can still receive as much aid and comfort as Nephi did, just by asking for it. But I have to trust God first, and then ask. If I ask without faith, I get nothing.

 

Tues 13Jan09 – Helaman 3.27 – ‘And thus we see that the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon His holy name.’ I realize, even now, that my prayers are all too often not filled with the sincerity that God wants them to be. I tend to be too hurried/tired/want to go to sleep/forgetful/impatient/etc. to say my prayers as though I were always desperate for His help. Oh sure, when the fecal material hits the oscillating air-blower I’m ready to pray, ready to do anything in order to make it better. But then, after things die down and stabilize, I tend to go back to my own ways. It seems as though the only way I remember to pray is if the Holy Spirit reminds me to do so. I’ve gotten in to the habit of reading scriptures here at work, and working in the workbook, but prayer seems to be the thing I have the most trouble doing. Ironically, it should be the easiest, because it is the most necessary. If I could remember to pray, and then do so with the consistent, fervent zeal and sincerity of a drowning man who is tossed a life-ring, then I would be getting somewhere. Right now, I think the most I can do is to remember to pray, and try to make it a whole-hearted and –minded thing, rather than something that is rushed.